Reflections on Pastoral Counseling: Understanding the Christian Life

I have been thinking a lot about counseling lately. I suppose as we move to the post-Christmas season people tend to get a little depressed. When they get down they tend to fight with family members. When they fight with family members they tend to call me. Somehow people want their pastor to operate as the referee in their family—calling fouls in the home like a referee might in a rugby match. 

There are times when I sit behind the desk listening to people pour out their problems and I feel a bit anxious inside. It was not until recently I understood why. You see, when I sit there listening to people talk about their conflicts with others what goes through my mind is the gospel, “Forgive, show love to your enemies, do good to those who persecute you, display the gospel”. When I voice those thoughts they are often times not met with joy, but with consternation. We then begin a long journey of conversations about why the gospel should govern this moment. This journey can take many sessions to work through. My anxiousness comes because I can feel the pressure building that when they are done unpacking their life I am going to bring the gospel to bear and this might not be what they desire to hear—some come in wanting to hear that they are right and others have let them down.

To be fair, that is not everyone I meet with. But, from time to time, this happens. I have now come to realize why this might be the case. I think that some people are not ready to hear a pastors take on their problems because they have a too narrow understanding of the Christian life. In our culture we have taken the Christian life and fragmented it. What do I mean by fragmenting the Christian life? Consider this:

If you are a new Christian you might think of the Christian life as a means by which you are to say “no” to the world and “yes” to belonging to Jesus. Therefore, your focus is on holiness and abstaining from sin. It is easy to neglect the body of Christ, the mission of the church as important when your focus is solely on your own life and behaviour.

If you are someone who loves the local church and are gifted in ministry in the church you might think of the Christian life only in the context of the ministry that occurs within the gathering of your church. You might think that the entire point of the Christian life is what occurs in the local building that your congregation meets.

If you are someone who has children, you might think of the Christian life as a means of having a strong marriage, and investing into your children. Therefore, you could think of your home as a refuge away from the world where you can raise a good family and forget that we are to be salt and light in the community.

If you love world missions you might think of the Christian life only in terms of world missions. Therefore, what goes on in the church or my home is not as important as the call to go.

If you love theology then you could think that the point of the gospel is to get accurate doctrine and to stay away from those who are not as refined as you.

What we have done is silo the Christian life to our passions and our stages of life and thereby miss the whole of the Christian life. Each one of the above mentioned goals are good, but by themselves they are out of balance.

When someone comes to me to talk about their marriage often times they forget that we have been left here to make Christ name known to the lost. Therefore, if your spouse is not a believer you have been given a mission field in your home. It might cost you everything to share the gospel with your spouse—you might not have the intimacy that others have, you might not have the partner that others have, you might not even have the friend in a spouse that others have, but what you have in Jesus is all of that and more. He calls us to lose our life in this world to gain the life in the next. God can and will use you to live the gospel before your spouse and maybe even use you as the tool that declares Christ to them. If you have all you need in Jesus then giving up all that you could get in the world to live the gospel to a spouse is doable. Yet, you can only see that if you understand the whole of the Christian life. If you only look at the life of a Christian as a good marriage then if your marriage is bad you will not know what to do.

To be a Christian means five things (look at 1 Peter 2:4-12 to see these points):

1. To be called out of the world


2. To be called into the church


3. To live a distinctively Christian life


4. To be salt and light to the lost


5. To declare the gospel to the nations

If I stop at number 3, and if my spouse is not a believer, I will want to get a new spouse because I have made the goal of my life to have a perfect Christian marriage. But if I look at all five of these points, then if my spouse is not a believer I can keep going knowing that my life is meant to be salt and light to my spouse and to share the gospel with them so that maybe they might at best get saved in this life, but definitely glorify God in the day of visitation. Yes, there is a cost to this kind of thinking, but this is the cost that Jesus said comes with the gospel.

Every aspect of the Christian life has to be seen in light of the whole of the Christian life. Then and only then will the complexities of the world make sense. As I have been reflecting on this my heart has been to make sure that as a pastor I shepherd the flock to bring the whole Christian life to a believer. I do not want to silo the Christian life for if I do then there will not be enough for the sheep to draw upon when things get tough.

Peter told the church in 2 Peter 1:3 that they have all that the need for life and godliness. We must place our focus on Christ and live the whole Christian life. What I want to make sure I do is present the whole Christian life. Nothing but the whole Christian life will give the child of God what they need to live ready to lose this life to gain life in the next.