Grace for the forgiver

According to the logic of the gospel, forgiveness makes perfect sense. It’s an impeccably rational response to sin; if I’ve been forgiven by God, it is only right that I forgive my brother from the heart (Matt 18:21-35).

But sensible, rational, and right doesn’t always mean easy. Especially when it has to come from the heart.

The sinner needing to forgive is struggling against his own sin, too. He’s struggling against anger, bitterness, vengeance, slander, or the temptation to leave a relationship. Jesus’ parable condemns the man who refuses to forgive, but surely Jesus himself can sympathize with the Christian who wants to forgive but is suffering the temptation not to (Heb 2:18).

Because Jesus requires us to forgive from the heart, we can expect forgiveness to be an obedience that is difficult. All sanctification is. Here are a few reasons forgiveness is so hard:

1. Forgiveness is costly. When Jesus calls us to imitate him in forgiveness, he is calling us to give. When you forgive, you cancel the debt of another, often at cost to yourself. The forgiver often senses what she has lost as a result of the sin done against her, and must absorb that loss rather than demand it be paid.
2. Forgiveness is painful. We rightly focus on the healing power of forgiveness, but before it can be accomplished a painful death to self must occur. In order to forgive, the forgiver needs to silence the voices inside him that are shouting for justice, and slay the old man who thinks forgiveness is a fool’s errand.
3. Forgiveness is long-term. Like any other commitment to resist sin and follow Christ, the decision to forgive is ongoing and active. Especially if the nature of the sin is particularly damaging or has been chronic throughout the relationship, forgiving can feel like a never-ending marathon, and the temptation to fall back into bitterness or anger can persist even after the words “I forgive you” are sincerely spoken.
4. Forgiveness is lonely. Inherent to forgiveness is the commitment to preserve the dignity of the one you are forgiving. Many times others will not know the price you are paying to forgive, or the pain you feel, or the struggle you may still be enduring to stay faithful to the command. Yet at times you may have to forego the sympathy you crave by disciplining your tongue to speak well of the one who has wronged you.
5. Forgiveness is risky. Perhaps the hardest part about forgiveness is that it goes against our natural instinct to protect ourselves. There’s always the chance that the person who has wronged you—especially if it’s happened before—will do it again. Forgiving can feel like getting knocked down in a boxing ring only to get up for more.

That last feeling is not so far from the truth. Forgiveness is the Christian equivalent of staying in the fight—not against the person who has wronged you, but against the dividing power of sin itself: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places” (Eph 6:12). In the battle between Christ and his enemies, forgiveness is a knockout blow every time. No wonder it’s so hard to pull off.

Though the command to forgive is clear, obeying it can be hard and grace is needed, not only for the sinner guilty of the wrong, but also for the sinner who now bears the Christ-given burden to forgive. Forgiveness is as much an act of Christ-likeness as any other obedience is, and the forgiver needs gospel grace when his obedience wavers, sympathy for the temptation he’s facing, and ongoing support as he works against his flesh to fight sin in the same way Christ did.

Like the cross itself, forgiveness seems foolish to our flesh (1 Cor 1:18), and embracing its wisdom remains a powerful work of the Spirit requiring a gracious application of the word of God through the unifying ministry of the body of Christ.

Lord, I forgive; help my unforgiveness.

Photo credit: erizof (colour enhanced)