Technology and convenience… but at what cost?

A friend helpfully brought this article to my attention, on how the easy accessibility of online porn is “creating a generation of children that has a range of problems with sexual behaviour”.

Most computers have parental control options that restrict certain websites and who can be contacted, log browser history, allow you to shut down the internet and the computer at set times, plus there are programs like Covenant Eyes that send reports to nominated people about what has been viewed... and yet many parents and educators are unaware of or refuse to use such safeguards or limit internet access to particular educational sites. Arguments like “it’s inconvenient”, “it’s vital for a good education that they can have unlimited access” and “you can’t shelter them, they’ll access it anyway” trump the serious concerns being raised.

It amazes me when I hear parents say “none of my kids struggle in this area”, or I hear educators say “we have very few incidents”. As a pastor’s wife, just about every week my husband or I have a conversation with a man or woman facing marital issues because of the effects of porn, or with parents whose children are struggling because of watching porn, or with high school/university students who are addicted to porn and whose parents have no idea. Just the other day a parent shared with me their heartache that, despite their vigilance, their 12-year-old child had viewed serious porn videos on a number of occasions.

I mourn the pressures our kids are facing, which are echoed in the article above: “We have dropped them in an adult world... We have created technology that has made this accessible to children and we’re not interested in the impact it’s having”. Alarm bells are ringing, and we need to take a few steps back and listen carefully to the dangers we’re being made aware of.

The internet may be unavoidable and have many helpful aspects, but class access at school doesn’t take into account that children mature differently and have varying needs, weaknesses and vulnerabilities. In the same way that not all kids are ready to drive at the minimum age, parents are usually the best people to make an assessment with and for their child.

I don’t buy the arguments from my children asking me to change the restrictions I place on their computer: “But mum, I have to be able to download apps and YouTube videos or I won’t be able to do my work!”; “It’s a pain that you have to enter the password every time I want to...”; “That safety program won’t let me access so many sites that I need for my assignments”. I’m not naïve—I know kids can access porn through friends, just as in years past. But the more I see and hear of people’s struggles, and the more I talk to my children and help them on this front, the more I’m convinced that protection (including from cyber-bullying) must always rank above convenience and education, and this includes a parent’s involvement in increasing access only when we see our individual child can handle the pressures.

The evidence out there is pretty clear that the longer we guard them against exposure to damaging material, especially while hormones are raging, the better it is for the long-term protection of their brains and their social development.

I’m not saying restrictions will stop them accessing material—if only it were that easy. I’m not speaking from a position of superiority from the level of protection I’ve been able to achieve. But I think the argument that Google, Yahoo, or certain web browsers are necessary for ‘research’ and that to keep up kids have to know how to use technology as soon as possible is simply untrue. Some Silicon Valley executives send their children to schools that use pen and paper, blackboards and encyclopedias (remember them?) in primary school, and limit computer use in high school: “There’s no reason why kids can’t figure it out when they get older”.

But even if it’s true that we’re doing our kids a disservice if we don’t give them technology from an early age, here’s the reality for me. If my kids get lower marks or they don’t end up going to university because we gave them less access online, is that the end of the world? Have I really failed them as a parent or an educator? In my mind, the best possible education and a top career in a high-status profession are not the be all and end all, especially if the sexual wiring in their brains is messed up by porn, and their ability to concentrate has been affected by technology.

A man full of integrity and wisdom and who knows what’s best for us once said:

If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell. (Matt 5:30).

There’s some sage advice there about being willing to take away or restrict what harms us. If Jesus is right, why assist in creating a culture that gives children no option but to use something that tempts and causes them to struggle? Parents and educators need to take a step back, seriously study the research, and consider cutting back on technology and restricting internet access for the sake of the long-term well-being of affected students and families.

Why not restrict your own access and time too? Leading by example could be the best way to help your children learn to prioritize what’s truly important and avoid what takes their eyes off Christ.