Regret is not repentance

The pain of sin pervades the church and lingers long after the sin itself.

There’s the pastor who is so consumed by building his church that he forgets that it’s Christ who builds his church. Another pastor grieves the dysfunctional church marriages that lead to adultery, abandonment or both. There’s grieving over the hatred of one brother towards another, and more sadness arising from judgemental attitudes to the sins of others combined with unrelenting blindness to personal sin. Life is messy. Church is messy. We wish it wasn’t so.

But what happens when regret replaces repentance?

In the book of Judges, one of Israel’s constant failures was a mere regretting of sin. In Judges 10:16 we read that the Israelites “put away the foreign gods from among them”. They didn’t destroy them, they just put them away for a rainy day. They regretted their idols for a time, but did not repent from them.

Now the problem with regret is its impotence. Regret lacks any power for lasting change. That’s one of the lessons we learn from Israel’s history throughout the period of the judges. Ultimately, regretting sin is all about me and how I feel bad about my dire situation. Regret is about my issues, my problems, my pain and, well, me. Regret arises from pain, sorrow and grief—but it never leads to life because regret looks backward.

Repentance, however—often but not always arising from pain, sorrow and grief—leads to salvation and freedom from regret, because repentance looks to God. Repentance reconciles me with those hurt by my sin and enables true joy in our Saviour because repentance is all about God.

King David knew both the seriousness of sin and the freedom of repentance, and wrote of both in Psalm 51. David realized that it was against God alone whom he sinned, and his godly grief produced a repentance that led to salvation without regret (2 Cor 7:10). That is real blessing.

Without repentance, the sorrow of regret will remain, and possibly be so overwhelming that life will be utterly miserable. ‘Max’, an elderly saint who has now passed on, for years could not share in the Lord’s Supper because of regret over a lifetime of sin. Max argued that God could never receive him, because Max had abandoned his family (among other reasons). It was only a month before he died that Max finally experienced the joy and freedom of repentance, and then entered glory with no regrets.

Of course, some people grow callused hearts and just ignore regret. Repeated cycles of sin and regret harden the heart, and sadly I’ve seen friends turn from the living God to serve idols, giving up feelings of shame produced by sin, and enthusiastically embrace the sin they once regretted. Regret is reduced to a non-issue and sorrow is temporarily abated (perhaps even for 70 years). Belief has been fatally replaced by ignorance.

The urgent need in our churches is heartfelt repentance and muscular belief in the good news. We need to recapture Mark 1:15—the “time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand”, so now is the time for us to repent, turn away from idolatry and self-worship, and believe the gospel. It is the message of Christ crucified that crushes sin’s power, leaving no room for regret. For the believer, there is no regret over past sin, because sin has been dealt with, paid for and obliterated by the cross of Christ. We need to believe this truth and, through that belief, repent from the empty way of regret and enter into the new and living way of Christian freedom. It is repentance and belief that restores our ruptured relationship with God and enables life to be lived with deep joy.

So the pastor can repent of empire building and joyfully serve the Lord’s body, the Lord’s church, knowing that Jesus is much more concerned with his people than any human shepherd could be. Husbands can repent of selfishness and joyfully love their wives in sacrificial love, reminiscent of Christ’s love for his church. And we can all repent of cultivating distrust and anger towards those with whom we disagree and rejoice that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.

Of course, repentance of personal sin will also encompass a desire to reconcile with those aggrieved by that sin. This involves not just a cessation of war, but an active working for peace. But sometimes aggrieved people may prefer to ‘maintain the rage’ rather than forgive. In such a case, our conscience can be clear (no regrets!). We must continue praying for a change in the heart of the one we sinned against and for a restoration of the relationship. But it always takes two to tango!