What to do when life is out of control

I forget that people don’t know my whole life story. Recently I was talking to a friend and absently said, “When I was a goat herder…” I saw her eyes widen as she laughed and said, “Wait, go back a bit!”

It’s true. One of my more interesting jobs when I had a gap year travelling in Ireland was as a herder of nine white goats. Every morning I walked them up the hill, tethered and milked them, and then every evening I would walk them down the hill and tether and milk them again. All I can tell you is you should never tether your goats next to wild garlic, unless you want a really nasty surprise in your morning cup of tea.

Anyway, the reason I brought it up with my friend because it was the simplest time in my life. The walking and tethering and milking were the things that needed to happen, and the rest of every day was organized around them. I’d tell you more, but that was basically it. Happy, carefree and watch-free days.

Now my days seem to be a tumble-dryer of tasks and deadlines and preparation and stuff. It all needs to be done and it feels like it all needs to be done now. Frankly, there are days when I just feel out of control. On the days I nail the work and grocery shopping and the doctor’s appointments, I am overwhelmed with the housework. On the days when I’m winning at housework and laundry and Bible study, I am completely behind with the cooking and lawn mowing.

“It’s too much. It’s out of control. I’m not enough. I can’t do it all. Why am I not doing it all?” It’s like a drum beat in your brain, making it impossible find peace.

One of the million reasons I love God is that he knows this about us so well. It is a very simple part of his amazing character, but it is profoundly significant for us.

Psalm 94:18 says, “When I thought, ‘My foot slips,’ your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up”. Don’t get me wrong, the psalm is not about a middle-aged mum feeling overwhelmed on a bad day. The psalmist is crying out to God about the jubilant wicked. This distresses him, and when he asks who will stand up for him he is laying the foundation for his explanation as to why God is the ultimate support and refuge. But what resonates for us here is the state of highly charged emotion the psalmist is in, the sense that nobody and nothing on earth can make his situation better. Have you ever felt like that?

What is also beautiful and fascinating in this psalm is its language. It helps us dig deeper into what the psalmist is feeling and saying. The ‘slipping’ that he talks about gives the impression of tottering, that panic just before a fall. It is that horrible feeling of not being sure on your feet, of knowing you are going to plunge any second. You can feel it in your stomach, alarm signals through your chest and throat. The psalmist is describing a time when he called to God “My foot is slipping!” because that’s how he feels—a sick fear and anxiety constricting his throat and churning his insides.

And what steadies him? God’s unfailing love. The Hebrew chesed (unfailing love) encompasses goodness, kindness, loyalty, faithful deeds and mercy. When the psalmist felt sick with burden and worry, it was God himself that held him up. It was knowing God’s deeds to save his people. It was the mercy that God has always shown. It was his character of love and kindness. It was God’s presence. In Exodus 33:18-19, when Moses asks God to show himself, he asks to see his glory (a way of saying God himself, like when God’s glory fills the tabernacle in Exodus 40:34), and God tells him that he will make his goodness pass in front of him. God’s glory and his tangible presence are intrinsically combined with his goodness.

How does this help when we are feeling out of control?

First, I find it so helpful that the psalmist felt what we feel. The psalms themselves recognize every negative, horrible, painful emotion we have. And this is Scripture, which means that God knows the full range of emotions we have. So when you feel knocked around by life, when you feel like you’re slipping, know that you are not alone. This is an emotion so well known to God it is recognized in Psalms.

Therefore, secondly, don’t try and jump straight to the fix;. If it’s in Psalms it means we can read and digest and sit in our emotions for a minute. Yes, the psalms lead to God’s light, but they also allow us to acknowledge these feelings. It particularly helps in giving your emotions a name. Instead of brushing things off as just ‘blah’, we can pinpoint and name what is happening inside us.

This leads us to the third thing: move it from inside to outside by giving it voice. If we have yet to define what’s happening (when things are chaotic sometimes there is no thinking straight) that’s okay, because we can cry out to God a one-line prayer: “My foot is slipping, Lord; please help me!” That’s all we need to pray—and sometimes it’s all we can manage. God gave us these words so we could say them back to him.

If you have pinpointed how you feel and given it a name, you can add to the one-line prayer by telling God how you feel. It doesn’t make it go away, but it helps. It takes our emotions from the darkness inside us, where they can fester and grow, and brings them into the light, where they can be better understood against who God is. We can only see vague shapes and shadows in the dark, but in the light we can make out size and shape, edges and details, and are able to define what’s there. So describe these emotions to God. Talk to God as you would talk to friends. Pour your words and emotions out to him, even if they are jumbled.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a simple replacement for a doctor and a counsellor, and if these emotions are deep-rooted, insidious and controlling then I would definitely go those options too. But what also helps is reaching out to Christian friends. They can help. They can be your sounding board. They can pray for you. They can help to show you God’s goodness and loyalty and grace. He put you into a body. It is part of his goodness.

So, know that you are not alone; don’t jump straight to the fix; give what you are feeling a voice; and reach out to your Christian friends. But above all, abandon whatever you are doing for ten seconds. Just for ten seconds, leave the dishes in the sink, the laptop on your desk, the food your child just threw on the floor. For ten seconds breathe deeply, remember God’s unfailing love, and ask him to steady you. It may not be long before the next crazy thing happens, but even a short visit with God’s goodness will steady your footing.