Walking with Gay Friends

Walking with Gay Friends Alex Tylee Inter-Varsity Press, Downers Grove, 2007, 160pp. Suggesting that homosexuality is a sin is unpopular. Going further and suggesting that change and healing from homosexual sin is possible is always going to be a tough sell. Nevertheless, this is exactly what Alex Tylee manages to achieve in Walking with Gay Friends. Tylee writes honestly about her own struggles, and provides accounts (with names changed) of her conversations with others dealing with unwanted same-sex attraction. These accounts help her readers to appreciate that the book is written from a sympathic perspective. The book begins with Tylee's story of how she became a Christian against a lesbian background. When speaking of the change and healing that God brought about, Tylee doesn't hesitate to admit that after becoming a Christian, “the first two or three [years] were probably the hardest of my life” (p. 23). Yet she testifies that Jesus is the one who saved her, and that the hope of change and healing is real, not imaginary. Most chapters open with a short paragraph from an individual describing their own struggles with homosexuality. ‘Andy’ says “I wanted to keep the [homosexual] relationship; I wanted the Bible to say that it was OK.” (p. 29). ‘Mark’ admits “I didn't realize how long it would take [to work through my sexuality issues] and how difficult it would be” (p. 89). These brief comments encourage the reader to approach the problem of homosexuality from the perspective of an individual's questions. The comments are then followed up with personal, biblical and even some scientific information. Along the way, Tylee tackles a number of myths. Conversion to Christianity is essential, she believes, and abstention from immoral sex is important, but neither of these things will automatically change sexual orientation. However, by the same token, the argument for the existence of a ‘gay gene’ goes well beyond the scientific evidence. Tylee quotes gay activist Peter Tatchell:

Much as I would love to go along with the fashionable ‘born gay’ consensus (it would be very politically convenient), I can't. The evidence does not support the idea that sexuality is a fixed biological given. (p. 49)

Tylee includes some of the scientific research on the origins of homosexuality that serve to demonstrate to non-scientific readers that no firm conclusions should be drawn about what causes homosexuality. There are some good observations about the role of upbringing, but neither side of the ‘nature versus nurture’ debate is pushed to the exclusion of the other. Instead, the survey is used to remind readers that this is a complex issue, and that instant healing and change from a homosexual orientation is the rare exception, not the rule. From a Christian perspective, this rings true: Christians know that all struggles with sin are difficult and ongoing. Homosexual sin fits the pattern of all sin: it is hard to overcome. So Tylee points out that this “may mean [complete healing is] ‘not yet’ or it may mean ‘not till glory’, but we can be sure that God will not abandon us” (p. 68) As warm and sympathetic as the book is, Tylee does not lose sight of the Bible's teaching on homosexuality, and the gospel's clear demand to turn away from sin. The second chapter makes it plain that homosexual behaviour is sin, but it does so in the context of the Bible's positive teaching on marriage. Tylee cites Romans 1:26-27 as proof that homosexual sin is no worse (and no better) than other human sins. Most importantly, the author turns to 1 Corinthians 6 to remind her readers that Jesus Christ has completely borne the penalty for sin, and that through him, we are “washed, sanctified and justified” (p. 37, referring to 1 Cor 6:11). Sin has been paid for, but this is a reason to stop sinning, not a reason to continue. Tylee offers sound, realistic advice about what Christians who struggle with a homosexual orientation can do (and what they should avoid). The advice is useful for both those who are involved in homosexual activity and those who used to be. It is also useful for the friends and family of such people. In addition, there is a worthwhile chapter on how to share the gospel with individuals caught up in sinful lifestyles. I appreciated the reminder that the real key to triumphing over sin is not merely abstaining from certain behaviours, but entering into a genuine saving relationship with the Lord Jesus. Only the gospel has the power to change sinners, homosexual or otherwise. Tylee's book is short and readable. It is particularly useful for readers who are Christians or readers who are open to hearing that there is hope of rescue from homosexual sin. The style is friendly and familiar, and manages to avoid the twin evils of being preachy and patronizing. There is a reading list at the end, which includes Christopher Keane's What Some of You Were. I recommend both books as readable, biblically challenging and pastorally compassionate treatments of homosexuality. Tylee ends on a note of prayerful hope, asking and encouraging her readers to reach out to homosexual friends with the promise of salvation and the hope of change through the gospel. To this, I can only add, “Amen”.