Why “speaking the truth in love” is more than simply saying true things nicely

In the circles in which I run, the command from Ephesians 4:15, to speak the truth in love, is almost universally understood as a call to say true things nicely. If, for example, a friend asks me if his wild faux-hawk hairstyle is appropriate for a serious job interview, speaking the truth in love (it’s usually assumed) means I gently tell him to skip the faux-hawk and go with the classic, benign comb-over. This interpretation is so widespread and so longstanding that it’s nearly impossible to hear Ephesians 4:15 summoning us to do anything else.

Saying true things nicely, while certainly a good Christian idea, is clearly not what Paul is calling us to in Ephesians 4. Moreover, when we assume that this is what it means to speak the truth in love, we lose one of the clearest verses in the entire Bible calling all Christians to speak God’s Word into the lives of others. In this brief blog post, I hope to persuade you that speaking the truth in love is not a call simply to say true things nicely, but a command to all God’s saints to specifically speak God’s life-changing Word into the situations they encounter.

Let’s start with the audience. Though few people would reserve Ephesians 4:15 for only Christian leaders, it’s helpful to see how this command is not given specifically to ordained pastors or elders but to all true Christians. How do we know this? Well, notice the broader context of chapter 4. Beginning in verse 1, Paul is calling all Christians to walk in a manner worthy of their calling, to be humble and gentle, and so forth. It’s clear that he’s got all Christians in mind. If we move in more closely, follow the logic beginning in verse 11. Jesus gave gifted men (apostles, prophets, pastors, so forth) for the end goal that “we all attain to the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God” (v. 13), a goal for the collective Christian community. Then, from that Paul enumerates several results of this sort of Christian maturity: we won’t be spiritual children (v. 14), we won’t be doctrinally naïve (v. 14), the entire body will build itself up in love (v. 16), and so forth. See my point? I won’t belabor this since it’s not very debated, but always keep in mind that whatever Paul is saying in Ephesians 4:15, it’s a command all ordinary Christians are to obey.

This brings us to our main question. If Ephesians 4:15 applies to all Christians, how do we know that “speaking the truth in love” is talking specifically about speaking Bible-truth and not simply saying true things nicely? First, notice the result of this kind of speaking; it results in us growing up in every way in Christ (verse 15b). As helpful as it is to tell somebody that their faux-hawk isn’t appropriate for a job interview or that their jeans don’t make their backside look fat, that isn’t exactly the sort of mind-renewing truth which transforms into the image of Christ (cf. Romans 12:2). Throughout the Bible, it is God’s Word which renews and renovates the justified sinner (e.g., Joshua 1:8; Psalm 1; John 6:63; Romans 10:17; Ephesians 5:26; et al.; for a good study of this theme, see Peter Adam’s Hearing God’s Words). It’s speaking God’s Word in love which grows Christians.

But more than that, notice that with which “speaking the truth in love” is contrasted. The first word in Ephesians 4:15 is “rather”, which indicates a contrast with what was just said. Paul’s just warned in verse 14 of the danger of being tossed around by false doctrine. Instead of that happening, what we should be doing is speaking the truth in love. So the opposite of speaking the truth in love is being led astray by false doctrine and the remedy for being led astray by false doctrine is for Christians to speak the truth in love to one another. This again confirms that Paul is imagining all Christians speaking Bible truth to one another. Simply saying nice things truthfully doesn’t prevent people from embracing heresy; only Bible truth does.

Now if this is what Paul is saying in Ephesians 4:15, then that means that all ordinary Christians need to view it as part of growing as a Christian to learn how to speak God’s Word to those with whom they interact. This will require study and wisdom and prayer and repentance, but this is what God expects of all believers. Moreover, training ordinary Christians to become prayerful speakers of God’s Word becomes one of the main responsibilities of ordained Christian leaders (and I think we even see this in Ephesians 4:12). If you are a pastor or elder, one of your basic job responsibilities is to train your people to speak God’s Word to their spouse, their kids, their brothers and sisters at church, their coworkers, around the water-cooler, etc.

In future posts we’ll explore some of the practical mechanics of how we pastors might do just that. But until then I hope this little meditation has encouraged you and motivated you to see all God’s people speaking God’s Word whenever and wherever possible.