Small talk is important and missing from our churches

Good spiritual discussions excite us. It is understandable that we are eager to get to them with others at church. With the best intentions we want to encourage each other, spur one another on and remind others of biblical truths. But in trying to achieve this important task, I fear we forget the small talk.

Small talk is important. Some say that it is a waste of time to talk about the weather or that sports game after the church service has finished. Shouldn’t we focus on more valuable things, on eternal matters rather than twittering about trivial ones? But small talk is vital between others at church. Here are a few reasons why:

1. In a world where religion is private, small talk builds trust

People come to church from all sorts of backgrounds and with all sorts of experiences. The world teaches us to be tolerant, and not to force our spirituality down other people’s throats. They teach us not to discuss religion or politics at the dinner table. People in the Western world are generally guarded when it comes to matters of faith. They generally don’t jump into conversations that can leave them feeling exposed and vulnerable, especially with others whom they don’t know very well yet. For some people to feel at ease and build trust it can take five minutes of discussing the week, work and the weather, but for others it can take weeks, months or years. Work with people where they are at. Cultivate trust slowly in relationships so that others can come to a point where they feel comfortable and ready to share more. Let’s work gently with others to build a foundation of trust for fellowship and gospel growth.

2. In a world where religion is often superficial, small talk shows genuine interest

When we skip the “get to know you” and the “how is life going” questions and jump straight to the spiritual interrogation, we skip over key parts of people’s lives. People can be skeptical when it comes to church-goers. People have been burned in the past by those with hidden agendas, or those only interested in their attendance at church. We need to be interested in others at church as people. We need to do life with them, just as Paul did with the Thessalonian church (1 Thessalonians 2:8-9). Paul did not shy away from sharing the gospel, but he did not stop there. He lived amongst the Thessalonians and did life with them. Let’s share life with others and be genuinely interested in their week, their weekend plans, their interests and in their walk with God. Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking we are choosing between bananas and apples. In our zeal to see brothers and sisters grow in Christ, let’s not forget to be genuinely interested in their whole lives.

3. In a world where religion is scary and unfamiliar, small talk provides normality.

Imagine for a moment that you have never been to a church before. All you know about Christians are snippets from television shows and pop culture. You’re not sure who will be at church this morning - will you meet Ned Flanders, or perhaps someone worse? Will you understand anything that goes on? Even worse, will they ask you questions about the Bible?

Yes, Christians will always be different from the world and that’s okay, but for the sake of others let’s try and connect with them where we can. Small talk helps us to find common ground with newcomers who might just find the common ground of “we just both heard the same sermon” a little too intimidating for post-service conversation. Let’s serve others and connect with them in familiar ways so that we can help them as they explore the unfamiliar things in God’s word.

4. In a world where Christ is so desperately needed, small talk lays a foundation for deeper conversation.

Small talk can never remain as it is. The purpose of small talk is to pave the way to spiritual conversation. In order to speak words of encouragement to one another, we first need to be able to speak to one another. It is important to establish rapport with others. Through light hearted conversation, we can discover the stresses and struggles of another’s life and pray genuinely for them. General chit-chat provides opportunities to apply the Bible to the things on their minds and find ways of being involved in their lives. The art of small talk is important for us to master. Although it starts small, it grows into a rich fellowship where God is not just an item on the agenda but he is the agenda.

We don’t want to create a false dichotomy between small talk and important spiritual talk. We need to use both in careful, thoughtful and loving ways. Both are useful and necessary to build up the body of believers.

You can read part two of this series here: Talking Small Talk