Everyone already knows: A chapter from Wisdom in Leadership

Weaknesses are embarrassing things. We all want to be good at everything—or, if not good, at least decent. But we’re not, and it’s not being overly pessimistic to say that we never will be. There will always be things I’m not good at and I will always be flawed—and not just in terms of skills and abilities. I will have weaknesses and flaws in how I relate to other people too.

As we face the reality of our flaws and weaknesses, most of us will employ some common strategies. We will hide our weaknesses, minimize them, or deny them. We pretend they don’t exist. We don’t talk about them, we don’t acknowledge them, and we try our best to ignore them.

The idea seems to be that if I ignore or deny my weaknesses then others won’t see them. If I don’t point them out they won’t notice them.

The assumption behind this flawed thinking is, of course, that my flaws and weaknesses are not very noticeable anyway; they don’t make much impact; and they’re relatively harmless.

Weaknesses are obvious

But the truth is often the exact opposite. My flaws and weaknesses are some of the most obvious and easily noticed aspects of who I am. They make a huge impact on the people around me and this impact is of the negative variety and can be, and often is, quite harmful and hurtful.

And here’s the biggest reality check: everyone already knows.

Whatever the weakness is, the people on your team already know all about it. If you’re not that good at planning, people already know. If you’re not good at making decisions, people will have noticed. If you’re not good at encouraging people, they already feel it. If you’re not good at thanking people, they already know. And if you’re not good at being on time? Yep, they know that too.

Our weaknesses and flaws aren’t small blemishes that we can easily mask with a bit of makeup; they’re huge and obvious deformities.

Just admit it

So the point is that if you try and pretend they don’t exist, you either make yourself look like a fool or you make your team think you can’t be trusted. So, as painful and scary as it might be, it’s important to own your weaknesses. Don’t try to hide them, make excuses for them, or minimize them. Rather, be upfront in owning them and apologizing for them.

Sometimes you might even be the last one to find out. You may come to a sudden realization that you’re not that good, for example, at giving clear direction to your team.

If you’ve just discovered that this is a weakness, guess what? Everyone else already knows. They’ve just been patiently waiting for you to figure it out as well. So if you mention it to them their reaction will not be, “Really!?! Well, that is a surprise to me.” Their reaction will more likely be, “Finally”.

They already know.

So there’s no point denying or pretending that a weakness is not obvious. The sooner you can realize it and own it, the better. Everyone already knows what your weaknesses are and they probably know more of them than you do.

So don’t hide them. Be brave enough to admit them—not to be proud of them or to make a joke out of them, but to acknowledge their existence and the impact they have on the people you lead. Acknowledge how your flaws make things harder for your team and thank them for putting up with those flaws and working around them. Your team will thank you for it and respect you more because of it, and they might even give you more grace and forgiveness as well.

If you enjoyed this chapter, then check out the rest of Wisdom in Leadership.