Fathering the fatherless in our churches

Currently 20% of Australian and 43% of American children are growing up in homes without fathers. Father-absent homes are common in our communities, our schools, and also our churches.

Is fatherlessness a problem? Is growing up without a dad, or with an emotionally distant or disconnected dad, really that big a deal? If it is, how can we love, care and disciple these vulnerable members of our society and church community?

The vulnerability of the fatherless

The overwhelming picture of the fatherless in the Old Testament is one of destitution and people in need. The fatherless are commonly grouped with widows and sojourners as those requiring care and justice. Israel’s care of the fatherless demonstrates a particular way in which God’s people reflect his own character (see Deut 10:17-18 and Ps 68:5).

While the New Testament does not speak significantly to the issue of fatherlessness, the two direct references are worth noting. Firstly, Jesus promises that in his leaving and provision of the Holy Spirit, he will not leave his disciples “as orphans” (John 14:18), continuing the theme of God being the sustainer of those in need. Secondly, James echoes these Old Testament markers of holy living, stating that “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, it this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world” (Jas 1:27). Therefore, the directive to care for and seek justice on behalf of the fatherless is reinforced as one way in which to live in light of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Social repercussions of fatherlessness

However, are these directives culturally bound? Perhaps in a world of state education and family payments the call for care of the fatherless is void; maybe the situation is not so dire.

Sadly, we know from social, psychological and medical research that this is not the case. Poverty, aggression, incarceration, early sexual activity, maltreatment, depression, and other behavioural problems all occur in higher rates amongst those who’ve been separated from their fathers in one form or another.

The positive impact of a father’s presence and engagement has also been noted. Children whose fathers are stable and involved are better off on almost every cognitive, social, and emotional measure developed by researchers (including sociability, confidence and self-control).

Fatherlessness and the church

As God’s word affirms and the social data confirms, fatherlessness is a dreadful consequence of sin in this fallen world, and a reality of life in our church communities. Spousal abuse, adultery, divorce and death all stain God’s ideal of marriage set up in the Garden. They bring spiritual, emotional and psychological hurt to the parents and children involved.

We of course affirm that healing, forgiveness and freedom from guilt and shame are found in the cross of Christ. However, until Christ’s return, we continue to live with the consequences of sin, whether our own or someone else’s. And fatherlessness, whatever the cause, is a significant consequence that the church is called to act upon with grace, love and a righteous call for justice.

So what can we do?

Preach grace

We need to continually open the Scriptures and preach the cleansing power of Christ’s death, resurrection and ascension into the circumstances of those who are fatherless or single parents, whether through death, divorce, abuse or neglect. We need constant reminding that the grace of God his powerful love can sustain them through it all. We believe in a God who is bigger than circumstances, greater than all the statistics and all risks that we face in our broken lives. We can call out to God, knowing that he cares deeply for the vulnerable, and entrust parents and children into his care.

Encourage and equip

One of the reasons that fathers are struggling to be dads, and particularly why Christian fathers are struggling to disciple their children, is because they simply don’t know what to do or where to start. One survey found that 85% of parents thought they were responsible for teaching their children about matters of belief, but only 19% of parents whose children attended a church activity were ever contacted to discuss how they could be involved in their child’s spiritual development. Many fathers are willing to disciple their kids, but don’t have the resources available and are rarely offered assistance.

So, as a church, we need to equip our fathers. Provide children’s Bibles, devotionals, questions about what was learnt in Sunday School, ideas for prayers, ideas for grace, and father-child camps or weeknights where fathers get to spend intentional time with their kids.

We need to work hard at encouraging and equipping our fathers—and dads, we need to work hard at encouraging and equipping each other—to take the role of fatherhood as seriously as God does.

Be fathers for the fatherless

Think about how many of the children who can or could walk through the doors of our churches are growing up in fatherless homes, while an even greater number are growing up with emotionally absent, abusive, neglectful or disengaged dads. As a church, as God’s people, God calls us to take up the responsibility and the care of the fatherless in our community. We cannot simply abdicate this responsibility to schools or government agencies. While these organisations are essential, we the church are called to provide and care for the fatherless in our community as a mark of God’s justice in the world. We need to provide male role models, spiritual fathers and grandfathers to these young boys and young girls, and provide safe ministry structures in which these relationships can take place. In doing so we model the loving, justice-upholding fatherhood of God to these young children.

Fatherhood and fatherlessness are not social issues alone, or problems just for those with families. They are concerns for all in Christ’s body. How can you be involved in encouraging, equipping and engaging with these children in your church?

This article was originally published at Growing Faith, and has been significantly modified and republished with the author’s permission.