But you're wrong!

How do we disagree with each other? If you’ve been around any church for more than 12 months you’ll know that there are many disagreements. Sometimes these are fairly small and trivial. In every church I’ve ever been in there’s been an argument about the colour or type of the furnishings. Carpet seems to be a favourite topic over which to argue, and the effects of these arguments ricochet through relationships causing all kinds of hurt, some even leaving the church over the issue. And the carpet is a small issue compared with some of the wider ones that impact on life, like who Jesus is, how God saves, and other major doctrinal truths.

In home groups there will also be disagreements. How can I be so confident? Because there are people in home groups, and where there are people there will be disagreements until we are safely home in heaven. Sometimes they won’t really matter. Sometimes they will be trivial but completely divide the group. Sometimes they will matter, because false teaching may occur and people may be stumbled, perhaps eternally.

Disagreeing is therefore sometimes necessary. We can’t stand by and see untruths told about Jesus and his work. We can’t sit quietly when the Bible is being attacked as not being truly God’s word. We need to speak up. 

So how do we disagree well? Because we must, as standing over us is God’s word, where we find ourselves compelled to follow Jesus and his commands to love God and love our neighbour, properly. There is much that could be said, but we’ll think about just two things.

First, God loves that person. Yes, the person who is just plain wrong is loved by the Lord of the Universe. We need to remember this because we need to slow down, especially if we are angry. We want to approach the situation fearing God, knowing that he cares deeply how we speak up, if we have to, and hears every word we say. We should fear offending him by treating another person as though we are more important than they are, or as though they are beneath us in some way.

This attitude will drive us to prayer, as we feel the need for God’s wisdom in the situation. This is exactly where we should be. It helps us to be careful and thoughtful, helps us exercise self-control under duress, and helps us to remember who it is we serve. Jesus loves us, not just me. So I need to love others on his terms, even when I disagree with them. How we disagree with others matters, at least as much as the issue over which we disagree.

Second, Jesus must be at the centre. We need to measure disagreements over this. Sure, sometimes we do need to discuss the colour of the carpet, and it’s fine to have strong views about the colour of the carpet. But let’s keep remembering that this isn’t about Jesus. When we find that the issue at stake clashes with who Jesus is and what he has done, we need to hold our ground firmly. We can’t give in on these issues. We can cope with a bright orange carpet with purple spots (well, those of us not subject to migraine headaches at least). But we can’t live with the view that Jesus isn’t God, or that he didn’t really come to save us. The first is just painful and difficult, and it might be strategic to stop disagreeing about it and just live with it. The second is profoundly damaging and will destroy our souls (if we don’t stand against it) and the souls of those around us. It’s still important how we disagree, but when we find that the name of Jesus is being maligned, we don’t give up and live with it. Figuring out how central Jesus is to an argument helps us realize how much we need to disagree, and when we can just live and let live (and wear sunglasses if need be).

So as we spend time learning from God’s word together, let’s be careful with each other, remembering who it is we serve and who it is that has saved us so completely.

Photo credit: Tambako